It has been such a long time since we have updated the journal.  Who knows if anyone even checks it anymore?  As for baby news, we had some scheduling problems, so we decided that we will travel to New York in January for another try at insemination.  That way the holidays and all the stress of the season and travel and family is done. 

In other news, Tiff and I got married on Oct. 19, 2008.  We decided to get married on Wednesday and the ceremony was on Sunday.  Three days to plan and get ready!  It was stressful, but ended up being perfect.  We had some of our very good friends gather in our backyard for a simple ceremony and fun bbq.  It was really a good time and we appreciate everyone who was able to attend.  It means so much to us to have the support and love of our friends.  I hope everyone else enjoyed themselves.  If anyone has any pictures that they took, we would love to have copies to add to our album.

Lately we have been protesting the passage of Proposition 8.  We are hoping that it will be overturned in the courts.  I cannot express how upset this makes me.  But we are not going to give up this fight.

 this is tiff... (sorry scheinin i have no idea how to change the pic)

unfortunately LeAnn got her period at about 12:15 today. 

yes we are very sad. she sent me a text today to let me know. i kinda felt everything sink inside me, but i can only imagine what she felt. its so very disappointing. we were so close to the 18th high temp day which would have given us much information even if little butter bean didnt stick around for long. but, we didnt so we move forward. 

i wish i could laugh  this one off but im not quite ready to. this was our first try. we knew that the chances of first tries working are slim. but its funny how you attach yourself to something you think exists. 

LeAnn is much better now than when we spoke on the phone at about 1:30. we both knew that with her delayed ovulation, the chances were drastically reduced, but still there was a chance. 

we have learned the mind is a powerful thing. you suddenly become hyper alert to little feelings and changes that you were never aware of before. 

we understand we got way ahead of ourselves. we both were so hopeful that the little butter bean was nestling into her warm and cozy uterus.

we are gonna take this weekend to unplug and reconnect. this isnt the end of the world, nor the end of our attempts. it is only the beginning. but still disappointing. the description of an emotional rollercoaster is sooo right on point. we went from extreme suspense and giddiness at 8:00am to heartache and sadness at noon.

now we will track her next 2 cycles (including this one) to make sure she is on track and then we head to NYC again in october. 

yes it does suck that we have to travel, but we value our donor and his contribution so much that we feel it is worth it. 

thanks for all the kind words we received today. we will be ok. just kinda grieving the "loss" i guess?... we're just sad.

 LeAnn again...

So today is Day 13.  I still haven't started my period, so I am officially one day late.  It may not mean anything yet, but I'm taking it as a good sign.  I haven't been as nauseated, a little this morning, but nothing at all yesterday.  My temperature is still high and today I have been having little "feelings," not quite cramps, just little twinges.  

Tiff is ready to have a nervous breakdown.  She asks me approximately every 20 minutes or so if I feel anything, or if I have started bleeding yet.  She was super anxious the other night, so we went to Walgreens and bought a 3 pack of pregnancy tests.  I took one first thing yesterday morning and again this morning.  Both were negative, so that could either mean that I am not pregnant or that there is not enough of the pregnancy hormone to be detected yet.  So we are waiting...waiting...waiting....waiting...

We are both excited and nervous.  I can't think of anything else.  We are going to try to wait until Saturday to take the next pregnancy test, so that the hormone levels will be higher and detectable (if indeed they are there).  So if we have the willpower we will test in a couple days.  If we don't have the willpower (most likely) we will test again in the morning and then run to Costco for the bulk pack of tests.  I may become a testing junkie!

So for now, no news is good news.

I want to thank you all for all your kind comments and emails.  You have been very supportive and encouraging, we've needed that.  We welcome any advice or insights you may have, because although we know what is supposed to be happening physically we still feel clueless (and Tiff is driving me a little crazy.)

Stay tuned for the next episode...

 LeAnn here...

I don't really have that much to add to Tiff's story, it is hilariously accurate!  But like she said, ovulation was delayed this cycle.  This is most likely due to the stress of family emergencies and travel.  I was supposed to ovulate on Tuesday, which would have been perfect timing for a Monday insemination, but instead I didn't ovulate until Friday.  This is still ok though, because in the presence of abundant fertile quality cervical mucous, sperm can live in there for around 5 days.  So fertilization still had a chance to occur.  And if it did occur, we just have to hope that the little bean implants into the uterus and sticks there.  Today is the 10th day since ovulation.  So we should know soon.  I will either start my period or not.  It is still a little too early for a pregnancy test, because the hormone levels would not be detectable yet, but by the weekend we could probably take one of those over-the-counter tests.  Also, 18 days of elevated basal body temperature is a sure sign of pregnancy (confirmed with a blood test, of course.)  And like I said, today is only day 10.  The wait is likely to kill me in the meantime.  This has been the longest two weeks ever!

So like Tiff said, I have been having some symptoms, but I am trying not to read too much into them.  The trouble is that they can either be pregnancy symptoms or PMS symptoms.  Besides what Tiff already mentioned, yesterday afternoon and again this morning I have had some nausea, but this could also be from the torta I ate in San Diego yesterday.  ;)  And I don't think I am grouchy like she said.

I am trying to keep positive while still remaining realistic.  This was only our first try afterall, and boy was it a learning experience!  This adventure was not exactly as the books described, but I guess that's life.  We'll wait to see what happens.  Tiff was absolutely fantastic during the whole experience.  Yes, she was super stressed and on the verge of breakdown, but she did everything she could to make it successful.  You should have seen her holding and protecting the cup in the sock during that crazy cab ride.  It was as if she had her hands cupped around the most delicate, fragile package ever.

I guess that's all the news for now, we'll keep you posted!

this is tiff...

so we are gonna update this and send out the address so everyone can check here rather than having to track us down individually  to see if we have any news. today's story will tell the tale of our first try at insemination. for me, it was very traumatic, frustrating, scary, and hilarious. we arrived in NY on friday afternoon at 6:00 (JFK). we figured out public transpotation and made it to our hotel at 7:30 (i absolutely am not lying) and we were exhausted. we were then off to meet with our donor to discuss any and all issues. he informed us he could masterbate on cue which tickled us pink. we decided there would be no attempt on friday night because LeAnn had absolutely NO fertile mucus present. this may be because we both sweated buckets while trying to find our hotel which was 20 miles from the airport. yes we were quite proud of ourselves. so onto saturday night. 
we went to our donor's place, signed our lives away with contracts and made the cup exchage. now for those who don't know, sperm are light and heat sensitive. meaning they cant be exposed to light, or loose their heat. so along with his cup, our donor got one of my very nice and cushy black socks. thus, eliminating any light issues. we went downstairs, he called, we grabbed the sperm in the cup in the sock and headed for our hotel. we managed to get the fastest cab driver in the world, but also the most horn happy. seriously, we would be sitting at a light, and we would be like the 4th car back. the SECOND the light turned green, he would honk his horn. but not loud enough for others to hear, just a quick beep that we could hear and he could hear. we were thinking that maybe the accelerator and the horn lines got crossed so that we he mashed the gas pedal the horn honked, or possibly he had touretts where green lights triggered a horn reaction?? i dont know, all i know is he drove like a bat out of hell and honked the horn a lot.
we made it back in one piece and hustled up to the hotel room since we only have about an hour once the ejaculate is ejaculted. she got in position and i strapped on some gloves. i sucked it up, put it in, and watched in horror as it ran out. this was followed by a scream of urgency that i had no control over. it just came out. "ITS COMING OUT!" of course then LeAnn tries to change positions which causes her to flex her abdomen which results in more running out. "HOLY SHIT BE STILL" i again involuntarily yell. i tried resucking some up but my panicked state resulted in more than jiz being sucked up (i think maybe there was a labia hickey from the syringe which has the suction power of an industrial vaccuum). LeAnn then proceeded to lay in one position for a while and then rotate as she was supposed to to insure complete coverage of the cervix. 
up and at em sunday morning-- well more like oh its afternoon maybe we should go do something besides sleep (well we were still on west coast time, and also going on about 8 hours sleep over 2 days). we played, hung with our pal jessica, checked out more of the city, then headed to supper with our donor and his girlfriend, and jessica which was really fun/funny. after dinner we gave him the cup/sock for him to deposit into and drop off to us the next (monday) morning on his way to work/school. 
it was so nice to wake up to a txt message that said "on my way" LOL. we met him downstairs, said our goodbyes and ran back into our room. this day we had LOTS of fertile mucus (its just as gross as it sounds, if you need further details on what fertile mucus entails, please consult your own medical reference book). we learned from our first attempt that we need to create a vagina plateau rather than a vagina hillside, so we did. 3 pillows under the hips, feet over your head. if you arent completely comfortable with your partner before you do this, you will be after. i proceeded to glove and suck up again. i inserted s l o w l y and watched again in horror as the pesky product came out!!!! however, this time we had outsmarted the little swimmers so rather than swimming down into sheet-land, they merely "pooled" around the bingo spot. i made LeAnn stay in that position for 45 minutes before taking pillows out one by one. it woulda been longer but she said she couldnt breathe, and could no longer feel her legs. then she did her rotations, and we slept until we had to check out. 
now we wait to see if it sticks. LeAnn did ovulate much later than she normally does. she had a lot of stress in her life this past month (sick family member and traveling) and we believe this is what delayed it. we will not know results until next weekend (9th/10th). 
LeAnn has sore boobies, fatigue, and boy is she cranky! HOWEVER, this could be PMS. no need for anyone to get ahead of themselves. we will let everyone know as soon as we do. 

if you are reading this journal, it means you hold a special place in my/LeAnn's/our lives. so thanks for caring. :) oh lord, i need a drink now...

tiff and i are starting this journal to keep friends updated on our journey to become parents. we hope by having this journal we can alleviate the everyday questions that may stress me out (not to be rude). stress can greatly affect ovulation so i need to remain as zen as possible. some entries may be totally boring, but we hope you find a little humor as we share our experience with artificial insemination from a known (confidential) sperm donor. tiff and i will both be adding entries, and i'm sure you will get a few giggles from our different perspectives and experiences. although we take the outcome of this action very seriously, we aren't forgetting to laugh at ourselves along the way. its hard not to when you are staring down the barrel of a loaded needless syringe. :)